Hope.

Hope.
It’s a word we hear often, but do we really know what it means? I mean, really know what it means, what it looks like? This is something I feel like I’ve struggled with for a while. Every time I feel like I have it figured out, God throws me a curve ball. Over the past few months, I’ve been struggling with figuring out what it looks like to hope and to wait expectantly, but not tell God what He is going to do for me. I know that God can do anything, but He also has the freedom to tell me “No.” My job is to acknowledge His sovereignty in all of it.
Recently, God has really been challenging me with the idea of waiting expectantly for things that are not promised. It is clear throughout Scripture that we can count on the things that God has promised. However, I’ve been struggling with how much assurance I can have when praying for something that has not been promised in Scripture. Like, when I’m praying for Ryan. God hasn’t promised me that Ryan will be saved. Scripture is abundantly clear that some people will indeed be condemned to hell for eternity. For all I know, Ryan could be one of those people. That absolutely breaks my heart! I can’t even express in words how badly I yearn for him to come to know the Lord. And I pray for it constantly. But, at the end of the day, how much assurance do I have that God will really save him? I have no promise to fall back on here. Sure, there’s Scripture that tells us that God longs for all to be saved, that He works for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose, that He is able to save anyone. But there is no guarantee that He will indeed intercede for Ryan. The fact remains that some people will not be saved.
But I am still trying to remain hopeful. I want to wait expectantly, to be still and watch the mighty things that God is going to do. But hope is a scary thing. I am so afraid to get my hopes up for Ryan’s salvation if that is not God’s plan. Ultimately, God will be glorified, and that is the most important thing. But it breaks my heart to think that Ryan might not love the Lord. I will continue to hope and pray that God will open Ryan’s eyes to the truth of the Gospel, and continue to learn more about what hope looks like for me right now.