Oh, hey hockey camp.

These past few weeks have been an absolute roller coaster.
I was supposed to help serve at a Christian hockey camp this past week, but I found out a week before that things had fallen through and I wouldn’t be able to serve after all. To say I was upset would be a drastic understatement. I had a really hard time accepting that I wouldn’t be able to serve. I knew that God’s plan was best, that He works for the good of those who love Him, and that He is sovereign. But I wasn’t able to understand why things happened the way they did. I realize it’s not really my right to know why; I realize that God is faithful, and I simply need to trust Him.
But, that is hard. I’m not sure how often you’ve tried this whole “trust” thing. When I have a sneak peek of how things will be going, it is so much easier for me to trust in Christ. But blind faith and trust in my Almighty Provider- man. That’s tough for me sometimes. Particularly when He’s not “following my orders.” I so easily fall in to the trap of thinking that my plans are better than God’s! I am so conceited! You would think that I would have comprehended the truth of Jeremiah 29:11 by now.
And I would probably say that I have comprehended it; I’ve understood it, experienced it, and I trust in it. But it is hard to live in light of it when God’s plans seem to be different than mine. Especially when He lets the devil fight dirty. I am no stranger to spiritual attack. I know that the devil is actively fighting against those who follow Christ. He attacks what we hold dear and tries to make us renounce the Lord. I get that. I’ve seen Satan attack my family, my finances, my relationships, my self-esteem, my identity- and all that has been difficult, but not too terrible. God has always been faithful to give me abundant mercy in the midst of trials. When I first found out on Monday morning that I was not going to be able to serve at the hockey camp, I was so upset. I had no idea what God had planned, I simply had to trust that He would be good and faithful to fulfill everything that He had planned, and that everything He had planned was for my benefit and His glory.
And man, is He good. And quite sneaky. I am currently in Lynchburg waiting for hockey camp to start. I get to serve on the medical team there, and even get to help run dry-lands on Wednesday! He spoils me rotten. But, more than that, He disciplines me for my benefit. He has gently been teaching me to trust Him over the past few months. He is always faithful, and it is so humbling to see His hand orchestrating everything for His glory.
I’m not saying it has always been easy. It is difficult to learn to trust God. But the more I learn about His character, the more I learn how worthy He is of my trust. He is the only one worthy of my trust. I’m a slow learner, but He is a patient teacher.

Matthew 6

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” [Matthew 6:25-34]

This Scripture has truly started to come alive for me over the past few weeks. As an official college grad with bills to pay and jobs to work, I have come to learn a different type of worry. I was well accustomed to the worry caused by stress, school work, and time management. However, I was amazingly unaccustomed to the stress of paying bills and budgeting. I’ve budgeted before, and I’ve had bills to pay, but my parents were always gracious enough to help me out. They paid for my college tuition (HUGE blessing!) and most of my big expenses. I was only responsible for minor expenses, like gas and some food.
That is not the case anymore. I’m starting out on this whole “grown-up” thing, and so far it has been quite the thrill ride! Stressful, for sure; but I don’t think I have ever experienced God in this way before.
God has been teaching me what it means to truly rely on Him for everything. I’ve always trusted in Him, but now its time to really put my money where my mouth is (quite literally). This past month, I had no clue how I was going to be able to afford my rent. My job started cutting back on hours, so instead of getting the 40 hours a week I was told I would have, I was getting 12-16 hours. Those are not at all the same, in case you were wondering. Unfortunately, my bills were ever so constant, and not easily covered by 16 hour work weeks. My internship also had some hiccups in the paperwork (shocking), so I wasn’t being paid for that either. It was a stressful time for me!
But God came through.
After pulling together graduation money, tips, and money that I was hoping to use for a mission trip next May, I had exactly the amount of money that I needed for July’s bills. Our God is good, He is faithful, and He is a Provider. Worrying didn’t help me at all. In fact, it only made me cranky and stressed out. But resting in the loving provision of my Father- that completely changed the whole situation. I was at peace, knowing that He had this under control. “Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” That is such a comforting Scripture for me at this point in my life. God knows my needs before I do! He had provided for my needs/July bills through graduation money that I had received in MAY! He is so stealthy. I love it.
God has also been reminding me to count the blessings that I have. I've been going to downtown Newport News recently to feed the homeless people there. As I was worrying about paying my rent, it really hit me how easily I could be living on the streets too. Fortunately, I have a wonderful family that would help me if I ever needed it, and is able to help me if I ever needed it. Very few people have that! I was fortunately enough to be born in to a middle-class family in America. I have so many resources and blessings available to me on a daily basis that I so easily take for granted. I own a car, I am able to go to the grocery store and buy food pretty much whenever I need it, I live in an amazing apartment...America just has such high standards of living compared to other countries globally. Finances may be tight, but God is SO much bigger than my finances! My bank account is exactly where He wants it to be. I really need to start recognizing everything He is capable of, and trusting that He will do it.