Dallas, here I come!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) This verse has been an amazing encouragement to me recently. As I prepare to move to Dallas, it has been reassuring to know that God already knows the plans He has for me. One phrase in particular stuck out to me though: “…to GIVE YOU hope.” The idea of God giving me a hope and a future has been on my mind constantly over the past 24 hours. I found out yesterday that I will not be able to attend DTS this fall. I have been trying to stay neutral and just wait for the Lord’s plan to unfold, but I must say, I was quite disappointed. I know that God is in control, so I trust that He will put everything together in its time. But I had been planning on going to DTS! And now…well, now I have no idea what Dallas will look like for me. And that is more terrifying than I would like to admit. I don’t know where I’ll be working, IF I’ll be working, if I will make friends, where I will find a good Bible study, where I will be able to serve within the community- it’s a little intimidating. But then I read that verse (I have it written on my mirror), and God reminded me that sometimes, in order to GIVE ME hope, He has to take away the hope I have been placing in other things. Unintentionally, I had been placing my hope in seminary. I was finding my comfort there. Surely I would meet a ton of great people at seminary, I would meet plenty of young women who loved the Lord and we would be able to share our amazing experiences with the Lord together; I would have classes and homework to do during the day; I could get a job if I had time, but there was really no pressure; and of course, the ever so popular idea that I may even “meet a cowboy down there,” as so many of my friends have suggested. It was hard to let that go. It was painful to let that go. But then I saw that verse. In that moment, God reminded me that HE wants to be my hope and my future. He loves me and plans good things for those who love Him. He wasn’t holding out on me; He was inviting me to place my hope in Him, a hope that will never fail. That can be painful sometimes. Not because He is not good, but BECAUSE He is good. I am the one that fails- daily. I set up other idols. I rely on them, I work for them, I place my hope in them. They take many shapes and forms, some “worse” than others in the world’s eyes. Seminary isn’t a bad thing! But it became bad for me when I was using it as my comfort. I was ok with moving to Dallas when it didn’t seem so risky. So where does that leave me now? I must confess, it hasn’t been an easy journey. I’ve been struggling with moving to Dallas for the past few months, but had been doing better with it since I had applied to DTS. It’s a really scary thing for me! I don’t know ANYONE down there, and I have NO CLUE what God has planned for me once I get there. I want to know exactly what it is going to look like, but I don’t. Even just this morning I woke up asking God, “Did I just make all of this up? Am I completely crazy? Why on earth am I going to Dallas? What do you have for me down there?” It’s hard to move so far away when I have no clue what waits for me down there. I can’t even fathom what life could be like in Texas. But Scripture tells us to walk by faith, and not by sight. So I will. It’s scary. It’s irrational. It seems crazy. It’s risky. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s my plan. My hope. My future. I can’t wait to see what God does through this move. I’m hoping He surpasses my every expectation; that everything falls in to place quickly, that He allows me to make a powerful impact for His kingdom while I’m there. But even if it turns out to be a painful lesson learned, I know He will use it. I just want to be obedient. And God sometimes calls us to be irrational and crazy. He called Abraham to leave his hometown and travel to an undisclosed Promise Land. Stories like that are particularly encouraging to me right now. I would very much appreciate prayers that I would hear from God clearly as I prepare to move, and that God would be preparing the way for me. And if any one knows of any job openings in Dallas, let me know! :)

Jesus has won the war, but the individual battles are still being fought.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and God has me somewhere vastly difference than the last time I updated. I have recently decided to move to Dallas. It was a VERY hard decision for me, and God, in His grace, has been walking me through it each day. I’m not quite as anxious as I used to be, which is such a relief! However, as I’ve been going through this huge life transition, God has been teaching me a great deal about myself. I left Hampton/Newport News about 2 months ago, and I can honestly say it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Which is precisely why I think God had me do it. He made it abundantly clear that I was settling in Hampton merely because it was comfortable and I had friends there. But it was absolutely not where He wanted me. I didn’t want to be there forever, and He nudged me one day, “Well, what’s keeping you here?” I realized quickly after returning home that I had set up SO many idols in Hampton, and I was living in many ways for my own fame, not God’s glory. I was a whitewashed tomb, much like the Pharisees Jesus interacted with in the Gospels. I focused so much on my external actions, not the motive of my heart. Don’t get me wrong- I loved the Lord a great deal, but I forgot that I was in the midst of spiritual battle. Which leads me to this post: As I’ve been listening to sermons and studying the Word, the Lord has really brought my attention to the strong language that He uses when addressing the sin in our lives. He urges us to “take every thought captive,” “put sin to death,” even “if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out.” Yet I didn’t view sin that way…I would even toy with it, now that I reflect back on my behavior. I wasn’t actively fighting to take every thought captive, I was only fighting to behave the way I was supposed to. But thoughts are essential to the Christian walk! Scripture tells us that sin is not a sudden event- it builds up over time. It starts with our thoughts/desires, which lead to sin, and the penalty and result of sin is death (“desire gives birth to sin, and sin to death”). I didn’t have a sober view of how dangerous sin is, and how mean our adversary is. Scripture tells us to “not give the devil a foothold,” or “give the devil no opportunity.” Why? Because he’ll use it! We know that Jesus has already defeated him, but we must still fight the battles. He has won the war, but the individual battles have yet to be decided. And so we must continue to fight, and fight hard. Daily. In every moment. Allow me to give you an example of how dangerous it can be to give the devil even the smallest opportunity. I’m going to use lust because I think it is a commonly misconceived struggle. First- it is NOT just a male issue. However, I do think it has a slightly different flavor for the ladies. While guys are typically very physical, girls tend to be more emotional. Therefore, it is only fitting that our enemy would tailor his attack to appeal to that, right? So lust would start as dwelling on a thought for too long. For guys, they may be tripped up by a particular outfit/exposed body part. For girls, it may be by a kind word/action...or a chick-flick (can I get an 'amen'?) There may not be anything wrong with what the girl has worn or what the guy has done, but if we dwell on those things, it can open the door for sin. Next thing you know, we aren’t just thankful that a boy told us we looked nice- we’re dressing up for him. We’re wearing outfits we may not normally wear because he may like them. We can’t just be thankful that a guy gave us a hug after we had a hard day- we’re imagining other situations where he could give us a hug, complaining loudly about our stress in hopes that he will give us another hug- or maybe more. This may not be for all girls, but I’ve had multiple conversations with girls who struggle with this,and seen even more girls act these out and struggle with it. Our lust is not so much physical as emotional. We want to depend on men. We want to be taken care of, provided for, nurtured and protected. And these desires are not inherently evil! Some of them are even God-given. Before the fall He declared that it was not good for man to be alone. We are built for fellowship and community. Which is why it is so important to guard your thoughts, and guard your heart. We can’t avoid all temptations. We have to learn to submit them to Christ and fight them with the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. But it all starts with a lingering thought. Our imagination. A sinful desire; or a Godly desire (like marriage) that has been contaminated somehow (marriage as an end goal, not as a means of glorifying God). We don’t just suddenly go off the deep end- it builds up over time. That is why Christ tells us repeatedly that we must fight sin with such ferocity. Our enemy is deceitful and a liar- he will deceive you in to thinking you are safe, then he will fight with his most destructive weapons. But take heart- even the strongest Christians struggle with sin, and even stumble! Yes, Christians STILL SIN!! Shocking, I know- we don't normally act like we do. We like to pretend we don't have any "serious sin issues." But we do. We still sin. And it isn’t always just thoughts- Christians can still mess up big. David was an adulterer and a murder, Peter denied Christ, Moses had a temper, Abraham and Sara didn’t trust God’s promises (Sara even laughed at them!), and Jonah straight up refused to follow God- and all of these people were believers when they did these things. Humbling, right? Even Paul said “I don’t do what I want to do, and I do what I do not want to do.” He still struggled with temptation and sin- and he wrote a significant portion of the New Testament! That is so encouraging to me. Christ died to all my sin. And it was all future sin when He died for them. But when I stumble and fall, He’s right there to pick me up, dust me off, and draw me near to Him. Regardless of if I am struggling with hurtful thoughts, gossip, not having a daily time with Him, or dealing with hard-core drugs, porn, lust, murder…it doesn’t matter. He is able to deliver me from ALL OF THOSE, and love me through it all. He forgives. He isn’t going to bring it up again later to use against me. He is going to help me learn from my struggles, then use those to glorify Him. Doesn’t that make you want to fall at His feet in worship?! We are so unworthy of that kind of affection, yet he lavishes it on us without end. Rest in that. No sin is too big for Him to forgive and redeem. To forget that, or to live in a way that ignores that, is to ignore the truth of the Gospel. To realize the truth of the Gospel is to live in freedom- freedom from sin, and freedom to worship God. And freedom to not give the devil a foothold. Continue to fight the good fight. Christ is there to pick you up when (not if- WHEN) you get wounded. But don’t worry- that’s just a lost battle. The war has been won. It’s only up to us to fight the individual battles. But the victory is not ours- it’s Christ’s.