Some Days, I Feel Like A Swollen Manatee

Many people know by now that I have a playlist entitled "I feel like a swollen manatee, make me feel pretty."


I ain't ashamed. I love this playlist. It is full of songs that are complimentary and intended to make me feel quite lovely. You know the type of song- "Just the Way You Are" (Bruno Mars), "What Makes You Beautiful" (One Direction), "Wanted" (Hunter Hayes), etc.- great songs, am I right?

However, I must be very cautious of how dangerous these songs can be.

The danger of these new songs lies in its effect: it captures a woman’s heart. "Love" songs with sleazy messages may lead to less inhibition, or get a woman in to bed, but it won’t keep her heart and affection. These boy band songs are after a woman’s heart; they capture her affection and desires. These songs tell us, “I see something in you that I can’t find anywhere else. You are irreplaceable.”

Our desire to hear this, our desperate attempts at affection and affirmation from those around us reveal something deep within us- our desire to be God. At the heart of the matter lies this primary sin: we, too, want to be god to someone. We want to be a sole source of satisfaction for their desires, their hopes, their dreams. We want to fill them in a way no one else can. We want to be their answer to prayer, the one to save them, the one to “complete them,” to be everything they’ve ever wanted.

We can see this clearly shown in Eve. Adam and Eve ate the fruit because they wanted to be like God.

We should also take serious caution from this- seeking God's glory for ourselves won't work out too well for us. Adam and Eve lost so many priveges that day; they were removed from the Garden, separated from God by thier sin. We all experience parts of the Curse that resulted from mankinds disobedience. God was still gracious, but all stories in our old testament can be used as cautionary tales. The implication is clear- follow God's commands, and don't try to replace Him.

Yet here I find myself, succombing to the thought that I can complete someone, I can be thier satisfaction. That weight is far too heavy for me to bear. I will unavoidably fail, no matter how hard I try. So it is essential that I guard the music I listen to and constantly examine how it is affecting my heart. I still listen to the songs, but I need to be aware of the potential affects. I must be consistently evaluating my theology and motivation. Sometimes, I really enjoy listening to my I-feel-fat playlist, and it is quite beneficial for my mood. Other times, typically when this "mood" becomes more consistent, I need to find a quiet place to really openly and honestly talk with God and figure out where this insecurity is stemming from. I need to get to the root of the problem, not just address the fruit. I must know myself well enough to determine the difference, and be honest enough to admit when I am idolizing myself.