Pride and my morning run

I’ve been realizing  a lot about myself recently.  As I transition to Memphis, the Lord has spoken to me very clearly and has revealed many sins I have been clinging to.  A huge one in my life has been pride.  It manifests in numerous ways; once I start to battle one area, it springs up somewhere else.  The enemy is so sneaky!  It comes out so deceptively; I betray myself in to thinking that my behavior is normal, that my motives aren't dark and sinful.

One example that has struck me is my running schedule.  Sounds simple, right?  Where could pride be?  ALL. OVER.
My housemates and I have been running together. I struggled with it at first, and kept telling myself it is because I like to run by myself. But running with them didn’t impact anything!  Why did I want to run alone?  They didn’t impact my pace, my distance, and we just listen to music the whole time.
It was pride.

I enjoy being the “fit” one in the house.  I want to be the one that exercises.  When everyone else is running, that suddenly can’t be my identity.  And when I’m not the one running the farthest- whoa.  Talk about pride!  I wanted to be the best and run the farthest so that I felt better about myself!  I would feel accomplished because I was “doing better” than the other girls. 
But there’s a problem with my plan- I’m not the best. I’ll never be the best.  There will always be someone that exercises more, runs farther, runs faster, and does better. That’s just a fact.  Even world records are beaten swiftly!  THAT CAN’T BE MY IDENTITY.

As I began to process this internally, I began to see the many ways that pride comes out in my life. Continuing with the running example, I would always “casually” mention running in front of others.  Why? To get attention and recognition.  I would run by myself so that I was the only one who could say “I went for a run this morning.”  How wicked is that?!  My pride had almost consumed my exercise routine- imagine the hold it has on other areas of my life!
After examining my heart (which I’ve had to do multiple times), I have realized that I need to be constantly on guard for numerous things with running. First, I must examine my motives in my exercise.  Am I exercising to be healthy, or to be skinny?  To honor God with my body, to have prayer time, to worship God through the miracle of running, or is it so that I can brag about it later and use it to glorify myself  and not the God who created the muscles that enable my movement?

That is a humbling heart check. I encourage you to try it sometime.

My motives are so easily disguised and masked as pure, but underneath the deception lies the sin of pride.

What is the best way for me to fight this sin?  First, I have to examine my heart each day.  Do I want to run just as much if I know that no one will find out I’ve run, or is this just something for me to brag about later?  Am I defining myself by trying to be the best? Am I humble enough to let someone out perform me?

You guys, this is a hard fight.  In order to be successful in this war, we must expose it to the light.  Before my run this morning, I had to confess to my housemate that I was being competitive.  I love running by myself because it gives me private time with the Lord to pray and reflect, but that is often not my primary reason.  I don’t want to share my glory. And, hear me clearly on this (well, READ this clearly!)- THAT IS SIN.  That is robbing the glory that is due to CHRIST, not me.  As women, we often get competitive, especially around boys.  But in Christ we are called to encourage one another, to build each other up, not discourage and stifle one another!  Song of Songs 2:2 describes a noble woman as a lily among thorns- and that is what we are supposed to be. We are not to hinder the growth of our sisters- we are there to be a unique beauty and encouragement to them among a world full of deceit and discouragement.  We are called to help one another thrive! When I only try to glorify myself, I am robbing God of glory, and my sisters of blessing.  I am not here to steal attention from them.  I am called to be secure in God’s love for me; as a result, I am not competing with my sisters for attention or love- that is complete in Christ. I am free to encourage and love by the power of Christ.  It leads to a whole new dynamic among others, and a new humility in my heart.  It is an on going battle, because my pride is ever present.  But it is a battle we must wage daily, lest the devil have any foothold in our lives or our community.