One of the most important things I’ve learned through this struggle (and the third thing we can learn from these women) is that I am only responsible for my own actions; I cannot control the actions or thoughts of those around me. I have to constantly remind myself of this when I deal with guys being disrespectful. My automatic reaction is to blame myself. To be clear, I think it is essential that I examine my own behaviors thoroughly. I reflect back on what I’ve said, the way I’ve behaved, what I am wearing, etc. But sometimes, men are just going to be dogs. Just calling a spade a spade. You can be behaving in a way that is pure, modest, and above reproach- yet a guy will be disrespectful.
And this can manifest in so many different ways! I think it is wise to avoid situations that may invite guys to be disrespectful, but sometimes things just happen. And you’re stuck. This happens all the time! I’ll be at work, or studying in a coffeeshop, on a run, driving, shopping, crossing the street, walking around campus- anything- and then there’s that guy that’s trying to holler. That guy. We’ve all had to deal with him. The guy shouting from a car window as he drives by, the creeper that traps you while you’re sitting somewhere by yourself, the guy trying to be more than just a customer while you’re stuck at work. He’s disrespectful, rude, crude, and makes you feel more like a piece of meat than a lady.
I really have to pray through how I deal with “this guy.” I’ve got to be honest, I have such a hard time trying to love this type of guy! I want to be rude, disrespectful, and do whatever I can to get this guy out of my face, pronto.
But then it hit me one day: this guy- this obnoxious guy trying to holler at anything with two X chromosomes- this guy is still a child of God. He is still a mission field. He could one day be my brother in Christ (or may undergo some serious progress in his process of sanctification).
Now, that does not mean that I let this guy get away with anything. This means that I change my attitude; I do not respond out of anger and malice. I respond firmly and clearly, out of love. It doesn’t mean that I am a doormat and let him talk to me however he wants. There are still boundaries. It is not okay for guys to talk to me a certain way, look at me a certain way, and use me to satisfy their lust problem. I am here to glorify God, not be dragged in to their sin struggles.
Fourth, it is not a sin to be attractive. One thing that I LOVED about the character study of these women in Scripture is that almost all of them were described as being beautiful. I think that this is something that, as Christians, we sometimes have a distorted perception of. In the name of modesty, we are sometimes a bit misguided. Girls end up constantly looking busted, pitted out, and to’ up! …but "it’s ok, because they’re only doing it to be 'modest,' right?" Modesty is not synonymous with ugly; appealing is not synonymous with inappropriate. It is ok to be pretty! Just don’t squander it! Ezekiel 16 uses the analogy of an adulterous bride for the church; at one point it describes how she has used the beauty that was perfected through the Lord to play the whore. She trusted in her beauty, then gave that beauty to any passerby. That is when beauty becomes a problem- when it is an idol.
Scripture also warns us that beauty is only temporary in Proverbs 31 and again in 1 Peter. It says our beauty should come from our “inner selves.”
Scripture is clear that we need to not rely on our beauty or let it become an idol; but it is also clear that beauty is not a sin. In fact, almost every woman that we’ve studied was described as beautiful. Don’t feel guilty about being attractive; God can use that. He used it for so many women in the Bible already! Esther was made queen because she was so pretty! Don’t sell God short on the things He can use to glorify His Name.
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