Part 3a: What exactly does "above reproach" look like?

Alright. We’ve met these women, talked about their character- now what? Let’s see how we compare, shall we?
I’ll start by saying that we obviously aren’t perfect, and these women aren’t either. We’re just going to see what lessons we can learn from them to grow in our process of sanctification. Don’t worry, this will only hurt a little bit ☺

I mentioned in an earlier post that I think it is essential to examine our own behaviors through out this whole process to ensure that we are not encouraging a guy’s disrespectful attitude.
I want to unpack that a bit more. We’re going to start by identifying beneficial behavior, and destructive behavior. Then, in the next post, we’ll try to tie everything together to how it applies to those awkward moments when a guy is trying to holler, and hopefully outline some practical things we can do to a) prevent those situations and b) address those situations when we’re stuck in them.
We’ve already established a few of the basics for beneficial behavior: don’t put yourself in bad situations, be teachable/mature/wise, and display wisdom and intentionality in your actions. We need to be sure that we are taking ownership of any responsibility we have in a particular situation, but we also need to make sure we aren’t taking the entire burden upon ourselves. This is a pet peeve of mine, particularly when it comes to modesty/lust issues. I definitely encourage helping out our brothers in Christ. I realize that this struggle is so much harder than I know, and I want to help my brothers in any way that I can. I pray that my brothers in Christ know that. I am not here to make you stumble. But, having said that- men: OWN YOUR OWN STRUGGLE. MAN UP AND LEARN TO FIGHT TEMPTATION. Don’t push the responsibility on us- we’ve got our own struggles we have to deal with. I can’t fight your battle. I won’t fight your battle for you.
So when I say “examine our own behaviors,” what exactly does that mean? What does it look like to behave in a way that is “above reproach” and honoring to God? Here’s where we’ll start to get in to the meat of the application; so far it’s mostly been gathering the info- now it’s time for interpretation and application. Strap on your big girl pants….here we go.

First, “above reproach”- does that seem slightly ambiguous to anyone else?? This is one of the awesome/frustrating things with Scripture. It’s so awesome because it allows the Scripture to remain dynamic and applicable, despite the fact that it was written thousands of years ago. That is also where it becomes frustrating….it isn’t spelled out for us. As humans, we typically like to be legalistic. We want a “to-do” list that will spell out exactly what is expected of us. We want to know what we have to do to get by. That way we don’t have to do more than the bare minimum, right? WRONG. The “bare minimum” doesn’t apply here! We usually find ourselves asking what we can get away with, or what qualifies as “wrong” and “sinful.” We want to know how close we can get to the line. We fail to realize that we are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking “is it wrong?” we should start asking “is this beneficial?” It conveys a total attitude change! Instead of seeing how much I can get away with without getting in to trouble, I start to evaluate how much more I can be doing to glorify God. Completely different attitude. And that attitude will make a world of difference.
So to behave in a way that is “above reproach” should be shaped by asking the question “is this honoring to God?” When I think of something that is above reproach, I think of something that no one can find fault with, something that is blameless. That is such a high standard! Yet it’s the standard we are told to strive for. But don’t be discouraged! The Gospel is full of grace, not guilt. God knows that we are not perfect; He doesn’t expect us to be. But, He does want us to strive for it. Constantly be evaluating your behavior to see where you aren’t reflecting Christ’s character.
However, this gets really tricky when we start to apply it to flirting and outfit choices, am I right, ladies? Even today as I’m choosing an outfit for work, I’m struggling with choosing dresses that aren’t too short, pants that aren’t too tight, shirts that aren’t too low, or too tight, but also can’t be too loose where they may leave a gap open guys to peak in if I lean forward- it’s DIFFICULT. Because I don’t want to have to wear a trash bag and dress like a blimp- because even then some guys may still be lusting! Some guys are just going to lust, no matter what I am wearing. So I have to choose something that is respectable, but also need to accept that I can’t prevent any and all lust from occurring. I just have to evaluate my motives, my outfit choices, and my behavior.
Same for flirting- it’s different for everybody. How should we behave in a way that’s above reproach?? Well, that’s different for each relationship. (Difficult, I know. Determining what is “above reproach” is pretty brutal- but SO worth it. Please don’t forget that. This is a lesson that is essential in our Christian walk; we need to be able to analyze Scripture to determine if our behavior lines up with the faith we profess. Sorry for the tangent- back to flirting.) It’s specific to each relationship. There are some general boundaries that you may want to enforce across the board though. For example, I don’t pray alone with a guy, nor do I hang out with them alone unless I'm ok with it being a date. For some people, that may seem extremely legalistic (I thought it was when it was first suggested to me). But I can tell you- I have found it to be insanely beneficial. Pray and ask God to show you which behaviors you need to be changing. I had to be a lot more intentional with how I talk with people- I usually touch the arm of the person I am talking to, or I’ll use a lot of nicknames. I have to be really cautious about how much I do that, especially when talking to guys. I need to guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23), but I also need to help him guard his heart as well. But different people perceive things a different way, so you have to be able to gauge your behavior, and alter it when necessary. Be cautious about what conversations you have with guys, how you dress around them, how you behave around them, and also when/where you talk with them. Use discretion. Seek wise counsel. Get in the Word.